Narcissistic Abuse in a Marriage

Do you find yourself wondering if you’re losing your mind sometimes? You’ve perceived events in one way, but your spouse tells you you’re way off. You may not have considered this possibility that you are married to a narcissist who is handling you in your daily life.

It’s Intentional 

The thing about narcissistic abuse is that it is completely and utterly intentional. A narcissist has a history of pain and has learned an almost diabolical way to now inflict pain on others—namely, you. And the number one tool they use is gaslighting. They deny facts, offering their own version of reality, in order to make you question yourself. Ultimately, they manage to scrape away at your confidence in your own perceptions, slowly gaining control over you. Even though things don’t feel right, you wind up questioning yourself, which makes you less committed to leaving a harmful marriage.

What it Looks Like

A narcissist is adept at making you wonder about your own sanity. They have several strategies to accomplish this:

• They straight up lie: They deny something even in the face of ironclad proof. “That never happened.” “You’re imagining things.” “Calm down! You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
• They distort the truth: They will adamantly argue that things happened differently than what you remember. “What are you talking about? You know I don’t smoke.” “You know I was only joking—lighten up!”
• They trivialize your feelings: Your normal emotions are somehow deemed unreasonable. “Wow, you really overreacted to that!” “Chill out!”
• They blame you: You are the root of all problems in the relationship. “You really need help.” “You’re so ungrateful for all I do for you!” “Are you deaf? That’s not what I said!”

Is This Your Marriage?

Narcissists are experts at making you question yourself. If you find yourself frequently feeling confused and lacking confidence, it may be because you are living with a narcissist. You’ve likely stayed together long beyond the good times, simply because you’re not actually sure about what’s happening, and you don’t completely trust your own memories and judgements. It may have left you feeling anxious or depressed, and perhaps even resulted in a sense of isolation. The time to assess the situation is now.

Know What You’re Dealing With

It’s important to understand that you are being manipulated, and that your marriage is damaging to you, your children, and your extended family. If divorce feels like the right option for you, the experienced Boca Raton divorce attorneys at WiseLieberman can help. Contact our Boca Raton office today for a confidential consultation. We always fight to achieve the best possible outcomes for our clients.