Staying Together for the Kids: Is it a Good Idea?
There are lots of reasons that aren’t love that keep people tethered to their marriages; protecting kids from the disruption of a divorce is a biggie. If that’s your reason for sticking with your marriage, perhaps you should consider these questions:
- How long is long enough? If you’re staying together for the kids, have you thought about the point at which it will be ok to divorce? How many years are you willing to sacrifice “for the sake of the kids?” If it’s another year until they’re all off to college, maybe that’s doable. If it’s ten years, how’s that going to work?
- How much commotion would divorce bring for the kids? Will they be changing homes, schools, and more? Such changes may terrify you and make you think you should stick it out in the marriage. Instead, try to recognize that you won’t be the first person to experience this kind of upheaval. You and your kids can manage it if it’s the right move for you.
- Is your current home physically safe? Are your kids witnessing–or even suffering–physical violence? An angry, violent marriage is no place for kids.
- Is your current home emotionally safe? Even if there are no fists flying, name-calling, humiliation, and cruelty are actually forms of domestic violence, and they impact kids’ well-being in both the short- and the long-term.
- Is your marriage completely unhappy? Don’t fool yourself into thinking the kids don’t know. They seem to figure it out when the marriage isn’t working even if you never say anything to that effect. You may not actively fight with your spouse, but be 100 percent clear on the fact that your kids are not oblivious to the mood in the home. They see you working out problems or ignoring them, living with symphonic goals or living separate lives in the same house.
- Is putting your life on hold worth the wait? Do you aspire to achieve some things that may never come to pass because you’re not working toward those goals? Do you think it will impact your kids to see you stuck in a dead end?
- What’s the lesser of two evils? If both staying and leaving seem like horrible options, acknowledge that not making a decision is, indeed, a decision. Take charge of the situation, weigh your options, and make a choice.
- Will divorce actually provide healthy outcomes for everyone? Can you picture coparenting with the best interests of the kids guiding both parents’ actions? If not, are you really coparenting right now? What will be different when you’re living apart? Will living without the stress of unanswered expectations be a better, healthier experience for your family?
The Best Choice for You
Doing what’s best for the kids simply must be a major consideration in any marriage or divorce. If divorce provides the best possible outcomes for your family, we are here to help. At WiseLieberman our experienced Boca Raton divorce attorneys will always work toward your goals in divorce. Schedule a confidential consultation in our Boca Raton office today.
