What Does Divorce Do to Kids?

One of the biggest concerns unhappy couples have as they contemplate divorce is whether it will damage their children. To be fair, we know that children who are exposed to unhappy parents, whether those parents are together or apart, can suffer ill effects.  Here’s what research says about children of divorce and the potential long-term impacts.

Common Outcomes 

Divorce impacts children in sometimes surprising ways, including both physical and emotional symptoms. Children of divorce grow and experience life differently, but frequently share some common characteristics:

• On a positive note, they often recognize poor communication and want better for themselves. They’ve likely seen their parents argue or shut down and know what doesn’t work. They may be more intuitive and sense when something’s wrong in a relationship and will often seek truth rather than appeasement. They will often seek good communicators in their partners.
• They may build some walls to relationships. Vulnerability can be hard for anyone, but children of divorce know the risks of a relationship gone wrong and are on the lookout for red flags that could lead them to repeat their parents’ mistakes.
• They frequently don’t trust easily. They need constant reassurance in a relationship and are quick to see the negative potential in people and situations.
• Some may avoid deep relationships altogether, opting instead for a series of short, failed relationships that serve to reinforce their belief that it’s not worth trusting their heart with someone else.
• Others search until they find just the right partner, believing in the concept of true love and making smart choices after having watched their parents’ marriage crash. They’ve learned from experience, and step carefully until the time is right.

Mitigating Negative Impacts

Parents can do a lot to mitigate both the short- and long-term effects that divorce can have on their kids. Some positive steps include:

• Handling the situation with honesty: Kids know when something is wrong. Trying to hide it just causes more anxiety, so provide age-appropriate facts about what’s happening.
• Listening: Your children’s lives are going to change, and they will have feelings about it. Don’t promise them things that you can’t give them. Instead, listen and reassure them of your love. If they’re not talking, it doesn’t mean they’re not feeling something. So pay attention to the ways they’re communicating and respond with empathy.
• Act like a grown up: Kids don’t need to be exposed to your fights, mood-swings, jealousy, and the like. They need an adult they can count on, who puts them first, who treats everyone involved with respect and dignity.

Getting it Right 

The experienced Boca Raton divorce attorneys at WiseLieberman are here to address all of your divorce needs. We always fight to achieve the best outcomes for you. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Boca Raton office today.