Children of Divorce: How to Build Resilience

When parents decide that they want to divorce, some of the most difficult aspects of the split are related to the children. Beyond having to figure out custody, visitation, and child support issues, parents have another gigantic apprehension: how will the split impact the mental, emotional, and physical health of the children?

Building Resilience 

There is no way to eliminate all of the pain and stress associated with divorce, but there are certainly things parents can do to help their children deal with the emotions they are feeling. A few ideas include:

1. Prepare children for changes before the fact.  Discuss all of the things that will change for them with the divorce, as well as the many things that will remain the same. Have regular discussions that address children’s fears and insecurities.
2. Assure your children that they are loved. Make sure they know that your adoration will never wane, even if you don’t all live together as a family. Demonstrate this with your words, affection, and interactions showing them that they are a priority.
3. Build even deeper relationships with your kids. Strengthen bonds through conversation, play, and activities that reassure kids you are in their life for good. Demonstrate pride, optimism, and appreciation for the time you have together.
4. Help children to express their emotions. Do this through empathetic listening and by helping kids to name their feelings. It can be extremely therapeutic and can help children to cope with struggles they encounter.
5. Keep conflict with your ex away from the kids. It’s not unusual for divorcing parents to feel irritated with one another, but maligning your ex or fighting in front of the kids is poison for kids. Instead, endeavor to protect children from situations that may make them feel like they have to take sides between two parents they love.
6. Share parenting responsibilities. Assuming there are no concerns of abuse, create and manage a healthy co-parenting relationship that keeps both parents involved in the challenges and successes, as well as the day-to-day routines in your children’s lives.
7. Promote a strong relationship with the other parent. You adults got the divorce, so it’s expected that you’ll be spending a lot less time and emotion on your ex. The kids, on the other hand, still need both of their parents, and anything you can do to support a healthy, loving relationship with the other parent benefits everyone.
8. Model and unambiguously teach resilience skills. Help kids gain confidence, problem-solve, express empathy, and seek help when they need it. You can display a sense of hope and positivity, and teach children how to deal with disappointment and challenge.
9. Work together as parents to provide structure and discipline. Even though there may be different homes, developing similar expectations with regard to routines and discipline greatly benefits children.

Advocating for You 

Divorce needn’t be a destructive event for children, or for you. The experienced Boca Raton divorce attorneys at WiseLieberman always seek the best possible outcomes for you. To discuss your situation, schedule a confidential consultation in our Boca Raton office today.