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Divorce Can Be Bitter When A Narcissist Is In The Mix


If you are divorcing a narcissist, you probably already know that the process is not going to be easy. You know from experience that a narcissist wants to win, and maybe even more than that, they want for you to lose. How can you traverse the challenges of divorce when you’re up against someone like that?

Knowing the Narcissist Playbook 

If you’ve known this person for any length of time, you already know how they operate:

  1. They have zero empathy.  Everything is about them, and they cannot see beyond their own feelings and experience to recognize the toll that their actions have on others. You, and your kids will likely be the victims of a scorched earth strategy stemming from a feeling of having been wronged. That puts your kids in the middle of a messy divorce, adding to the pressure for you to get it right in your dealings with the narcissist.
  2. They love game-playing. In divorce, that could mean gaslighting, false accusations of wrongdoing, and doing whatever they can to drag out the divorce process. They will likely cause seemingly endless delays and frustrate the process as much as possible.
  3. They crave control.  They may try to control you by using the courts to force you into uncomfortable agreements that impact your time with the kids, financial situation, living arrangements, and more.
  4. They want to erode your willpower:  In order to wind up on top, they whittle away at your character, goals, stamina, and determination in order to ensure that you’re on the losing end of any deal you make.

Preparing for Battle 

Now, more than ever, it’s important to maneuver purposefully and hold to the plan.  Be sure your attorney knows what to expect up front so strategies to address the narcissist can be developed and implemented. Then, be on your toes for any interactions:

  1. Set boundaries when dealing with the narcissist, and don’t budge on them. Don’t take calls at all hours of the night, don’t allow the divorce to interfere with your work-day, and don’t get dragged into pointless arguments. Most importantly, don’t let your kids get stuck in the middle of disputes.
  2. Speak with precision, poise, and benevolence, no matter how challenging that may be.
  3. Keep your composure.  Avoid being baited; you fall into their trap the minute their antics produce anger, frustration, or unpleasantness. Stay level-headed and gracious.
  4. Keep copies of anything that has the potential to impact the divorce, from financial records to communications.
  5. Keep the psychological and physical security of your children in the forefront, and behave accordingly.
  6. Put your best foot forward, allowing the court to see you for exactly who you are, and let the narcissist unwind without your help.

Advocacy on Your Behalf

 The skilled divorce attorneys at WiseLieberman have seen cases involving narcissists before, and you can count on their straightforward approach as they aggressively confront the challenges you face. Move forward with confidence toward the best possible outcomes for you and your kids.  Schedule a confidential consultation in our Boca Raton office to discuss your concerns today.

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