Divorce Fueled By Loss
Couples split up for myriad reasons: infidelity, growing apart, incompatibility between the sheets—the motivations to go in different directions are endless. In some cases, both partners take responsibility for the divorce, while in others, there’s one clear and undisputed “bad guy.” The hardest divorces, it seems, involve couples who part ways under duress. Unfortunately, sometimes tragedy is so incomprehensible, so overwhelming, that recovery is impossible, and couples just can’t move forward together.
Unimaginable Pain and Isolation
What is the proper reaction to horrendous pain? The loss of a child, a devastating accident—those are the things that happen to other people. These sorts of events can rock couples to their very core. Trauma that is associated with intense worry, loss, and anguish can be devastating to any relationship. Instead of adhering together for encouragement and support, sometimes couples find themselves turning away from one another when life becomes an unrecognizable maze of misery.
The Test of a Marriage
In addition to dealing with their own personal catastrophe, couples in these situations often find themselves in a battle to plait together some sort of reason to their relationship. Nothing makes sense. The heartbreak of these crisis moments crushes the very foundation of the marriage, as partners lose hope in the world they once knew and find themselves lacking the energy to survive the loss, let alone fight for their marriage.
Can the Marriage be Saved?
Sorrow. Heartbreak. Seclusion. All of these may merge to make a marriage seem irrecoverable. What can be done to salvage marriages on the precipice due to loss? Some suggestions include:
- Allow your spouse the space to experience the injury in their own way. Everyone processes loss differently, and though you may not understand the sentiments and comportments you observe, support the person. Never disregard reactions you can’t comprehend; instead empower your spouse to feel and behave in ways that they deem necessary. Assist in ways you can without blocking out your own pain and desires.
- Appreciate the fact that one or both of you may feel the compulsion to withdraw. While it may feel like it’s a lack of love or caring, understand that it is likely the suffering of your spouse working its way through the system. Your spouse may be too overcome with emotion to reach out to you. Misery can make one feel desolate, but it is not necessarily a sign that the love between you has died.
- Commit to getting through it together. Verbalize the commitment, and rely on your history to get through the present and into the future.
- Persevere one day at a time. Resume eating, sleeping, walking the dog and dusting the furniture. Keep stirring. In time, you may find your way back to one another.
Injuries Time Won’t Heal
Sadly, not every relationship can be saved. When a catastrophe has torn your marriage apart, the experienced Boca Raton divorce attorneys at WiseLieberman can assist in making the rupture as quick and painless as possible. To discuss your goals, schedule a confidential consultation in our office today.