Divorcing a Spouse Who Won’t Cooperate
Divorce is stressful enough without having to manage a spouse who categorically wants to remain married. How can you move forward with your life without the cooperation of the person you once chose to marry?
Understanding Goes a Long Way
To start with, try to put yourself in their shoes. Understanding where they are coming from can shine a light on how to effectively respond. Some of what’s going on in their mind may include:
- Feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under them;
- Feeling convinced that they can do something to regain your love;
- The belief that divorce will be bad for the children;
- A religious conviction that it is a sin to divorce;
- Holding the notion of an intact family as a primary goal in life;
- Being fearful of major change;
- Listening to an attorney who’s advised them to drag things out so as wear you down when it comes to property, support, or custody negotiations;
- Experiencing anxiety about being alone forever;
- Having concerns about money matters;
- Feeling anger and resentment and feeling justified in denying you a chance for happiness.
What Next?
As you come to understand what’s motivating your spouse’s reluctance to cooperate, you can make plans on how to proceed. Maybe they simply need more time and space to get used to the idea. Perhaps helping them to envision a future that looks wildly unlike the one they’d counted on would be a good idea. Are they looking for an apology? Can you help them find a way to forgive you for causing them pain? Here’s where allowing them to vent, listening, and empowering them to grow can be important.
- Firmly, but kindly, impress upon them that you are going forward with the divorce.
- Explain how you got here without assigning blame.
- Assure them that you truly believe they can get through it and that they deserve to find real happiness on the other side.
- Remind them of your definitive commitment to co-parenting.
- Encourage them to find support from family, friends, clergy, and/or a counselor.
If You Still Aren’t Getting Cooperation
If at some point you realize you’re not making headway, you may have to proceed without their cooperation. Ultimately, while it’s possible to delay this, your reluctant spouse cannot prevent the divorce altogether. If by chance you can’t locate your spouse, you may have to pursue service by publication, (which means you have to publish the service in newspapers). But if your spouse simply disagrees with your plans to move forward, you may have to just file for divorce and consider making concessions or deal with maddening delays until your spouse runs out of ways to hold things up. (This could be more expensive for you both, which could be a point worth making to convince them to get on board!)
Your Legal Advocate
The experienced Boca Raton family attorneys at WiseLieberman are dedicated to achieving your goals in a divorce. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Boca Raton office today.
