How to Divorce and Coparent with an Abusive Spouse

Studies tell us that roughly 25 percent of divorces in this country are due in large part to abuse in the marriage. Abuse is one of the leading causes of divorce, in fact. It could be physical, psychological, financial, or sexual, but regardless of the type of abuse, it is valid, and very treacherous. It often develops gradually, cycling between harsh abuse and periods of contrition, until the abuse becomes simply intolerable and the victim looks for an escape. The question becomes, then, how to get out?

Steps to Divorcing an Abusive Spouse 

There are some basics to be cognizant of before telling your abusive spouse that you want a divorce, because, statistically, the announcement may very well intensify tensions.

• Formulate a plan that prioritizes safety: You must take steps to protect your children and yourself before ever mentioning divorce. A trained domestic violence advocate, whether from a local domestic violence shelter or from a hot line, can help. Plan where you will go, and have fundamentals like birth certificates, passports, medications, and so forth packed and ready. Do not discuss your plans with anyone who might leak to your spouse. Finally, remove firearms from the house if at all possible before your spouse has any clue about your plans.
• Try to assemble documentation to substantiate your abuse. Everything from threatening text messages to medical records and photos may eventually prove to be helpful if your spouse attempts to manipulate you or the courts down the road.
• Make sure you have the financial and legal support you’ll need in the coming weeks and months. Advocates, support groups, and therapists, in addition to family and friends, can all help.

What’s Next? 

After announcing your plans for divorce, be prepared for your abuser to feel even more desire to control you. Filing a protective order is a good start to safeguarding your family. Beyond that, whether you are staying in the family home or moving to a new home, be sure to change or invest in heavy duty locks. It’s also a good idea to mount motion detector lights and install a security system. At a minimum, a dog that barks when strangers approach is a good alarm!

Co-Parenting Post Divorce

In many situations it’s simply not possible for an abuser and their target to work together productively to co-parent at this point. A variety of scenarios may play out:

• It’s possible court will not allow any visitation at all, especially if the children have been abused in the past;
• For a period of time the court may order that visitation is restricted to supervised visits;
• Regular visitation may be allowed, but the exchange of the children would take place in a safe zone, such as at a police station.

The best interests of the kids will always be the standard. As a parent, you will always want to ensure their safety and healthy development. If spending time with the abuser is possible and the courts sanction it, you should still limit contact as much as possible yourself. That could mean communication through shared calendars and emails rather than face-to-face.

The Legal Help You Need 

Divorcing an abusive spouse can be challenging in ways that typical divorces are not. That’s why having strong and trusted legal representation is so essential. The experienced Boca Raton divorce attorneys at WiseLieberman can help. Schedule a confidential consultation in our office today.

Source:

safeescape.org/divorce-and-abuse-in-the-u-s-key-statistics-and-trends/