How to Tell Your Partner You Want Out
You want a divorce. Your marriage is dull and joyless, or worse, and you have no desire to so much as try to make it work. As much as you want out, the thought of drama and nastiness is a bit overwhelming, notwithstanding the fact that this is no small matter. Initiating the divorce discussion is going to require some thought and planning, so it’s time to think about precisely how to break the news.
Focus
For starters, you need to wrap your head around the reality of what’s about to happen. How are you feeling? What led you there? How do you expect your partner to respond? What questions will your partner have, and what answers do you have? Once you’ve marinated on these issues, organize your thoughts, practice what you want to say, and decide on how, when, and where you will broach the topic of divorce. Once the conversation is imminent, keep these points in mind:
- Be honest, frank, and caring. Broach the topic candidly so your partner has a clear understanding of your direction from the get-go. Be clear and succinct about your need to end the marriage and the reasons why.
- Keep your cool. Everything you say will be amplified by the way you say it. Your tone, gestures, and facial expressions all communicate your emotions, and if you’re flustered or heated, it will likely inflame an equally emotional response from your partner.
- Stick what’s pertinent now, not the old recriminations and wounds. If your partner’s response becomes critical and angry, don’t let it sidetrack you. Remember that they may be having a tough time taking this all in, and just because you’ve come prepared to be composed, they may be shaken.
- Listen to what your partner has to say. They will need to air their opinions, questions, and wishes. Hear them, compromise, and fully engage without feeling you necessarily have to accommodate their desires.
- Stay steady if you’re sure this is what you really want (which it should be if you’re having this conversation). Your partner may threaten, beg, or promise, (or all of the above!) but if this is the real deal, you both need to get used to the idea instead of dragging out unrealistic hopes that the marriage will survive.
- Give your spouse time to accept your announcement. In the meantime, figure out if you’ll be able to continue living in the same home, or whether one of you needs to find another (perhaps temporary) place right away. Eventually, the two of you will need to have some detailed conversations about long-term living arrangements, property division, how to tell the kids, custody plans, and financial realities. For the moment, take care of now.
Work With a Trusted Divorce Attorney
Divorce is never easy, but it can definitely go more smoothly when you have an experienced attorney working toward realistic goals on your behalf. At WiseLieberman you can count on our Boca Raton divorce lawyers to have your back. Schedule a confidential consultation in our office to discuss your situation today.
Source:
psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control
