Is Your Marriage Over at the 8-Year Mark?
We’ve all heard of the seven-year-itch, but is it just an old wives’ tale or is it something you need to be concerned about? The truth is—as per the census bureau—first marriages last an average of just 8.2 years. That means some good years, followed by discontent, and by the time the divorce is finalized, eight years are just a memory. What makes the timeline so predictable?
Life Stages
Obviously, we all move through different stages in life. Early on, there’s the desire to become independent of our parents, to fall in love, and to explore a new reality. Love provides a certain stability, and you find that someone else relies on you. That interdependence is exciting and romantic. It leads to the next stage in life with your spouse.
Building
The early years are made up of routines and rules of your making. It underpins an even greater sense of security if you manage it well with your partner, and, for many couples, it becomes time to expand the family. More love, more stability, and more dreams of a glorious future.
Crisis
Things have been running smoothly for some years when, out of the blue, one or both of you starts to feel restless. All those routines and rules start to feel stifling instead of invigorating, and it seems you are no longer in control of your life; your life is in control of you! You have new needs, desires, and dreams, but you’re tied to a steady, (plodding?) life absent of all spontaneity and fun. This is the point in many marriages that see a rise in poor communication, decreased intimacy, and taking one’s partner for granted.
Itch
At this point there are a few options:
- Communicate honestly with your partner to get through the doldrums;
- Fight about anything and everything. Blame. Deflect. Do what you have to create distance. Maybe have an affair. Do whatever you can to create a rift so you don’t have to talk about the underlying issues.
- Start pulling apart by avoiding difficult issues and focusing on something else. Lose your identity as a couple and concentrate instead on parenting, career, or other interests and hobbies. Distract yourself from your restlessness and those feelings of boredom and desperation.
Divorce?
Of course, there are those who get it together at this point and look at ways to move forward as a couple. Good for them. But while it’s certainly not inevitable, this is where many couples decide that divorce is the best course of action for everyone involved.
Ready to Split?
If your marriage just cannot be saved, the experienced Boca Raton divorce attorneys at WiseLieberman can answer your divorce questions and help you achieve your divorce goals. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Boca Raton office today.
Source:
psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/202304/why-so-many-marriages-end-after-8-years
