Same-Sex Relationships Haunted by Domestic Violence

Just as many gay and lesbian families frequently enjoy satisfying and nurturing relationships, many heterosexual relationships are healthy and rewarding. On the other hand, between one-third and one-fourth of individuals in any kind of intimate relationship experience domestic violence (DV) at some point in their lives.

Fundamentals of Domestic Violence 

Several facets of domestic violence are shared in relationships of all kinds:

• The bottom line is control.
• The abuse usually cycles through emotional, psychological and physical harm.
• Abusers isolate victims and keep them feeling fearful and guilty.
• Oftentimes abusers threaten and/or blackmail victims to keep them silent.
• Sexual abuse often occurs in concert with physical abuse.

Is it Abuse? 

Signs of an abusive relationship are similar regardless of the sexual status of the people involved:

• Initially, the relationship may feel wonderfully romantic, with one person sweeping the other off their feet.
• Jealousy intensifies over time.
• The abuser begins to control by checking the victim’s phones and computers, spying on their whereabouts, and so forth.
• The victim experiences increasing levels of isolation from friends and family.
• The abuser blames difficulties—including abuse– on the victim.
• Mood swings in the abuser lead to arguments that become threatening and/or violent.

Unique Issues in Same-Sex DV 

People in gay or lesbian relationships frequently deal with distinct challenges when it comes to domestic violence:

• The abuser may threaten to “out” the victim to family, friends, or colleagues, so victims who are already experiencing a degree of isolation due to the clandestineness of their sexual status are pushed further away from others.
• Sometimes victims are disinclined to report abuse to authorities because that, too, would require them to reveal their sexual status.
• Victims in same-sex relationships often fear negative judgments about their lifestyle by the very agencies—police, medical, social work– tasked with addressing the abuse.
• Victims who don’t have legal rights to the children in the relationship are afraid they will lose access to kids due to custody issues.
• Some police may be inexperienced when it comes to issues related to those in same-sex relationships, and may mistake romantic partners for roommates, for example. If a victim is undecided about sharing the relationship status with law enforcement, it means DV may not be detected.
• Shelters and other services are virtually non-existent for gay men.
• There are no federal laws offering all-inclusive protection for gay and lesbian victims of domestic violence. The hodgepodge of state laws provide some protections, but it’s hit and miss depending on where a person lives.

Help is Available 

The compassionate, experienced Boca Raton family law attorneys at WiseLieberman understand the predicament you are in and can provide the legal services you need moving forward. You do not deserve, nor are you responsible, for this treatment. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Boca Raton office today.