Women Can Share the “Mental Load” of Co-Parenting After Divorce

It was only about 50 years ago that eighty percent of divorces led to moms having full-custody and dads scraping by with some weekends and holidays, while, of course, providing child support in the way of money to their ex-wives. But these days we’ve come to recognize that children need their dads, and not just every other weekend. States across the country, including Florida, favor shared custody plans that allow both parents equal time with the children as circumstances allow. That’s been a healthy result for kids and parents alike, although it’s not without its challenges.  An enormous one plenty of new divorcees find themselves wrestling with is sharing the mental load of parenting.

Changing Times 

When we look back at stereotypical family structures in America in the 1950s, most people imagine a husband who brings home the bacon while his wife manages the home and the kids. While Dad might spend his time in meetings at the office, Mom spends her time at parent-teacher conferences and organizing violin lessons. Dad may scrutinize spreadsheets and send out memos to officemates, but mom coordinates the kids’ birthday parties and mails out the invitations. And while Dad may have to go to work despite a very unpleasant head cold for a few winter days, Mom ensures that everything is running smoothly around the house and for her family every single day of the year—with or without a head cold.

These days families often have two parents working outside the home. Nonetheless many women will tell you that they still carry the mental load of running the household and caring for the kids. It feels like something society continues to hold women responsible for, they say. When one of the kids becomes ill at school, who gets the call? When a child has a playdate, who coordinates it, hauls the child there and back, and oversees it? A hearty congratulations to couples who’ve managed to share the load somewhat equally—though they are seemingly in the minority. A lot of women will tell you that they manage the lion’s share of family management. That means that when couples divorce, it can be a rude awakening for men.

Distributing the Mental Load 

Whether it’s 50:50 custody or some other arrangement, women across the country are beginning to buck the gender norms and social expectations that have kept them in the driver’s seat in terms of meeting kids’ needs. Naturally, they continue to love and dote on their children, and they still value the unique relationship they’re lucky enough to be in with their children. But many women in the modern era are finding they have an identity outside of “Mom” and that’s worth fighting for, too.  Modern parenting plans can address this by balancing out the mental load, which could mean assigning dads to attend doctor’s appointments, school conferences, and more. For moms who crave a break from the crushing responsibilities, today is the day it can be done.

Making it Work 

If you are concerned about more than the division of assets and time with the kids, and sharing responsibility for the kids’ well-being is a priority, the experienced and caring Boca Raton divorce attorneys at WiseLieberman can help. We can help you design a parenting plan that works.  To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Boca Raton office today.

Sources:

parents.com/divorced-dad-learns-all-about-the-mental-load-8621709

leg.state.fl.us/statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&URL=0000-0099/0061/Sections/0061.13.html#:~:text=The%20court%20shall%20order%20sole,interests%20of%20the%20minor%20child.