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Your Spouse Just Asked for a Divorce: Now What?


Whether you could see it coming or it was a total shock, when your spouse says they want out of the marriage, it can feel like a brick was dropped on your heart.  Especially when you really would like to save the marriage, you may be struggling with a range of emotions.  What about you isn’t good enough?  The nerve of that person, actually thinking a better life is out there for them without you in the picture. Oh no!  How will I manage? These, and other thoughts, are completely natural.  What matters now is how you navigate the coming weeks and months.

Never, ever… 

Let’s start with what you should not do:

  • Don’t seek refuge in drugs or alcohol. You need to keep your wits about you.
  • Don’t beg your spouse to stay. It will only diminish you and make you look pathetic to your spouse.
  • Don’t try to buy your spouse. Material possessions will not compensate for deep issues that led them to contemplate a split.
  • Don’t gossip or spread dirt about your spouse, ask others to intervene on your behalf, and post negative things about your marriage on social media. None of that is helpful.
  • Don’t try to convince your spouse that things are really better than they are.
  • Don’t nag, call repeatedly, or be needy and desperate. It is not appealing.
  • Don’t let your appearance fall apart.
  • Don’t ask your spouse to look through your wedding album together and reminisce about the good old days. They are obviously gone.
  • Don’t obsess with your spouse by checking up on them, going through their papers, following them in your car, and so forth. If it’s over, it’s over, and none of that stuff will change that fact.


While you may be in shock, the best thing you can do is to get your wits about you and put your best foot forward:

  • Display confidence, whether or not you’re actually feeling it all the time.
  • Be honest without being a supplicant. It’s okay to say you want to stay together, but not to grovel.
  • Have a good attitude and be the best you that you can be.
  • Walk away from arguments and only participate in calm discussions.
  • Get the help you need, from a trusted friend or family member, a marriage counselor, or s self-help book.
  • Stay busy and productive.
  • Surround yourself with people who will build you up.
  • Take care of yourself by eating right, getting enough sleep, and addressing your anxiety in a healthy way.
  • Start thinking about the future and what you need to do to make things work for yourself.
  • Protect the kids as much as possible.
  • Get your own local divorce attorney to work for the best possible outcomes for you.

Advocating for You 

Regardless of the circumstances, divorce can be difficult.  At WiseLieberman our compassionate, yet tough Boca Raton divorce attorneys are here to advocate on your behalf.  Let’s talk.  Schedule a confidential consultation in our office today.

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